October 16, 2012

We're Number Wonderful

This past weekend I decided to try to find out where this blog stood in the cosmic heirarchy. I don't know why -- probably status anxiety or some other post-modern disorder.

So I went to a website called the Ad Age Power 150 which purports to rank the 150 most powerful ad blogs in the world. The Power 150 had 1,137 blogs listed. Right away I knew there was going to be trouble.

If you think that 1,137 is somewhere between 1 and 150, I don't think you're in a good position to be publishing arithmetic calculations.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on. Digging a little deeper, I found The Ad Contrarian at number 61. This was disappointing as I was hoping to be #1 with a bullet. To make myself feel better I decided that I needed to augment their unreliable math with some computations of my own.

First, I got rid of all the blogs that weren't written in the USA. You see, I've been watching the presidential debates and one thing I've learned from paying close attention is that the USA is the greatest country ever invented in the history of the whole universe and beyond.

I've also learned that God loves the USA and we are blessed by him. So, not wanting to piss God off, I threw out all those blogs written by people whom God does not love. That eliminated 17 and got me down to number 44. I started feeling better already.

Next I tossed every blog that had "social media" or "conversation" in the title. Anyone who can stand to read that crap is not someone I want reading my blog anyway. Now I'm sitting at 41.

Then I got rid of all the blogs that had the words "search engine" in them. I don't know what the hell search engine marketing is supposed to be, but one thing I know for sure -- it ain't advertising. Now I'm number 34.

Then I shit-canned all the blogs that weren't really about advertising -- stuff like content and data and whatever this week's magic buzzword is. That was huge. Now I'm down to number 20.

Analyzing the top 20, I made a very insightful observation. One quarter of them had the writer's name as the title. This seemed unnecessarily narcissistic. For this reason I felt it my duty to disqualify them. So now I'm number 15.

Checking the 14 advertising blogs ahead of me, I couldn't help notice that there wasn't a single one of them that I had ever read. Not one.

So I decided this Ad Age Power 150 thing was a bunch of bullshit. I convened a meeting of The Ad Contrarian board of directors. After a great deal of discussion and compromise, we decided that we would publish our own ranking: The Ad Contrarian Power 1,137.

It's going to take us a while to calculate the rankings. But I'm pretty sure who number one is going to be.

By The Way...
If you don't get enough of my bullshit here on the blog, there's an interview that was published yesterday by Mitch Joel at Six Pixels Of Separation, which you can find here.


Anonymous said...

you never fail to make me smile

George Parker said...

The Ad Age Power 150 is simply a giant fuck up. When it started, AdScam was somewhere in the 20's. Then they came up with some kind of "Datametric - Hologystic - Wankeristic" formula and i am now somewhere about 350!!! Yes... Me... Fucking AdScam... 350. Actually, I'm with you Bob... 90% of the sites on there are appalling and obviously written by SEO chimps. Anyway, the Crain's have a fatwa on me... For some reason I have upset them... Yes me... I may make CD's commit suicide... But fucking upset geriatric old publishers that know NOTHING about advertising. Anyway. You'd better have me up there on the list... Not threatening... Just saying.

George Parker said...

Come to think of it... I'll settle for NUMBER TWO... 'Cos we all know who's going to be NUMBER FUCKING ONE, don't we?